Toxic television

Like many people I despair of some of the television program’s that fill our multi-channel lives. When time on the schedule was limited and therefore somewhat precious, program controllers tried to give us a selection of quality programs. Now they seem to be content with just filling the infinite number of channels with weird, low cost nonsense.

Imagine a scene in a commissioning editors office:

Jerry (50 year old ex BBC commissioning editor, long in experience and Shiraz): So young Timothy what new shows have you commissioned recently?

Timothy (22 year old media studies graduate from Penge University): Hey chief, I’ve got some real winners this month.

Jerry: Well Timmy, give me your highlights

Timothy: I’ve just signed up a pilot of Carpentry Challenge

Jerry: What The hell is that?

Timothy: Well sir, sales of hammers are up 4% so people are interested in carpentry

Jerry:No Tim people are interested in DIY not carpentry. People buy hemeroid cream but we don’t want to do a show about dingle berries

Timothy: Wow sir, what an idea. ‘The worlds largest anal grapes’ or what about ‘I’m still standing’

Jerry: you’re a mad but what other delusional program’s have you squandered our money on

Timothy: I’m loving My Fat Gypsey wedding, so have just bought Fat Drunk Gypseys on Ice

Jerry: Fabulous, a sure fire winner amongst the seven chavs who will watch It

Timothy: Ok I’ve got a massive winner. Ive just signed the sequel to The Woman with Four Breasts…..The Boy with Five Penises…..yeah one more….do you see?

Jerry: oh God

Timothy: And my season highlight is a killer, ‘Drunk in Ibiza’ where an amateur camera crew follow drunk tourists with a prize for the best peojectile vomit on the show.

Jerry: Time I called my agent



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s