10 new ultimate health foods

As we demand more and more healthy ways to live I foresee a new series of hybrid products.  These combine ultra healthy foods with some wonderful pharmaceutical properties. Imagine a biscuit that contained mouth wash or a slimming food that has a built in toothpaste.  These super products could completely revolutionise the way we consume food. Or make us ill.  So here goes

TCPizza – the worlds first disinfectant pizza.  The taste is indescribable but if you graze your knee just rub the pizza on the wound and you’ll be infection free, if you don’t mind a bit of cheese in the wound.

Canistenants – this combines the anaesthetic properties of Tennents Extra Lager with thrush control. So even if the itch gets painful you won’t feel it.

MacLean Cusine – this is a low calorie frozen food that cleans your teeth while you eat it. All dishes have a slightly minty tang.

Melonitenurse – This combines the sedative properties of Night Nurse with a fruity melon flavour. Anyone who has drunk Midori will know what it tastes like.

Imac and Cheese – a family favourite that also removes unwanted hair. Remember to wash off thoroughly to avoid curious looks on the way to work.

Andrews Liver and Onions- a rich stew of liver and onions with an unerving frothy head.  It simultaneously causes and cures indigestion.

Unclebenecol Cook in Sauce.  Now you can enjoy cusine from around the world but with added raspberry yoghurt flavor.  The Chilli Con Carne variety is probably best avoided

Volvic vapour rub – Pure expectorant from mountain streams

Ocean Spray on Tan – The famous cranberry drink that leaves you bronzed or to be honest slightly pink on the beach

Colgateorade – A sports drink that cleans your teeth while you run. Mint flavour only.


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