Snow White yawned and reached for her iPhone, instinctively opening her Twitter app. Not much going on she thought, Happy was still Tweeting about his big night out with some tall women he met at the Glass Coffin, a hopelessly trendy bar in town. Bashful was as silent as ever. Sneezy had pulled another sick day and Doc was flaming him on his Facebook wall for being a hypochondriac.
She leapt out of bed and fired up her laptop and saw Grumpy and Doc where on IM and so sent them a quick HiHo. She checked Gowalla and noticed Sleepy was still in bed, the lazy old person of restricted growth. She tagged and uploaded a picture of herself and the hunky Prince she’d met last night and shared it on Facebook just to annoy Bashful and jumped on her Wi-Fi Body Scales which immediately Tweeted her weight to all her followers. ‘Christ’ she thought ‘no change in my weight so nothing to update my fans with’.
Then she moved to the kitchen and immediately updated her location on Gowalla, Foursquare, Google and Facebook Places. She noticed that her step-mother was heading to the fruit shop.
Opening Spotify she checked the dwarfs’ playlists. Dopey was having a big Bob Marley revival and Happy was still into Techno. While making a cup of coffee she decided to share last night’s dinner recipe with Socialmenus, GroupRecipies, TasteandShare and Bakespace as well as writing a quick review on Amazon of the baking tin.
Casually glancing at Twitter again she noticed the Queen, her step mother, was moaning on about a new mirror and how she’s going to the the fairest in the land…again. What was it with middle-aged members of the aristocracy hadn’t they heard about Botox.
Exhausted by a morning of constant updates she decided to have a nap. She awoke to discover the beery breath of the Boozy, the dwarf no one talks about, trying to kiss her. ‘No you pervert’ she screamed, ‘If you want to awaken me from my slumber, DM me like any other normal person’.
She grabbed the new kitchen knife she’d bought from Groupon on a 2 for 1 deal and stabbed him to death. She was promptly arrested and you can follow the case on Twitter at #Who_Killed_Boozey or at Facebook.com/Snow_White_Is_Innocent.