How I learnt everything about marketing from a plank of wood

I spend my days debating with clients about the correct engagement strategy for their multinational corporations or discussing CRM strategies for their top 50 customers. Is their social media strategy good enough? Is their database strategy robust?. They employ thousands of marketing professionals whose job is to raise the corporate profit margin by 1% to 2%. Amateurs. Today I saw a company who margins are nearer 2500% and their supply chain about as uncomplicated as felling trees in a forest.

Meet the Roasting Plank Company. The most staggering marketing concept since Pet Rocks. Imagine that your business could sell a piece of wood 9″X4″X0.5″ for £10.00. A piece of wood that cost no more than 30p. Even paying salesmen, you’d be making a margin that would make software companies or timeshare developers look positively conservative.

The idea is that you soak the small plank in water and rum/whiskey or red wine for a few hours and then pop it on your BBQ. The instructions state you should be able to use it two or three times. So don’t forget the replacement cycle for this baby may be every three weeks. Let’s back up a second – the concept is cooking on a wooden plank on an open fire. However much you soak it there is really only one outcome. FIRE!!!!

So did I buy it. Of course. As I cremate my £10 cooking plank I will think of my clients and wonder where their plank is.The world needs more plank thinking.

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