Of all the issue that perplex human relationships, I believe I’ve spotted a new one. How you eat corn on the cob. Now I’ll be honest, compared with AIDS or global warming, this isn’t a big problem but it is an area that needs investigation. There are perverts who eat the corn in random bites but I’ll ignore them because, to be honest, if you meet a man or woman who eats corn in random chunks you must immediately report them to the police as a degenerate pervert. They must be locked up immediately.
The remaining normal population splits neatly into two camps. Typewriters and Lawn Mowers. Let me explain. Typewriters, like my wife, smear their cobs in butter and black pepper in neat horizontal rows and then eat in the style of a 1958 Remington Rand Typewriter. Left to right, teeth goings at a hundred characters per minute, they fly left to right and when they reach the end of a row there is a imperceptible twist of the wrist and the fresh kernels pop into view.
I ,on the other hand, am a Lawn Mower man. Here we are talking about a radial view of the world. Like a Hayter cylinder lawn model, I spin the cob working top to bottom in a endless cycle of nibbling until I twitch to the right and start again.
Could this be the real difference in the genders? Is it really, Men are from Lawn Mowers and Women are from Typewriters?. We need an insanely expensive EU grant to find out more.