Following the twits on Twitter


I’ve been using Twitter for a few weeks now and have discovered a number of interesting medical phenomena that effects newbies like myself. Some are similar to Facebook afflictions but some are unique to that tide of Twitter rubbish that passes through my iPhone.

The first is OCT. Obsessive Compulsive Twittering is when you feel compelled to not only record the most basic inanity of your life like “I’m drinking coffee” but in some cases to ask your followers “What would you like me to Twitter about?”. Imagine the replies. Please Twitter about the comedy scene in Rwanda or the latest antics of your rollerskating goat.

Next is Twitter Etiquette. You are able to search Tweets for keywords, as I did last night. Someone with a username of ElfinAxeBoy47 (identity changed to protect the innocent), asked about a good street photography site. Being a nice chap, I sent him a URL and he has now asked to follow me. WHY in the name of all that is holy does he want to read the mind blowing tosh I generate. The same works in reverse. I have no idea who this person is and I fear I’ll be getting his gibberish every twenty minutes.

Twitter Paranoia is another affliction. This is also know as Twitter Envy and involves an irrational fear that you’re not being followed by enough people.  The sufferer (see ElfinAxeBoy47 above) tries to follow anyone just so they get bragging rights with the the group of strangers they like to call their followers.  If you want a taste of what it’s like to experience this, set your Twitterific client to Everyone and stand back for the tsunami of gentleman’s vegtables, to quote Jeremy Clarkson, that will come your way.

Finally, there is Twitter Insecurity Complex where the user feels compelled to post random irrelevance every five minutes.  This is also know as Facebook Status Overload.  You know the type.  At the bustop……..raining…….breathing………..walking to the office……………reading email………..stating the bleeding obvious…….being a moron.

I’m sure there are other conditions as yet undiagnosed.  If you’ve enjoyed this post you can subscribe to my drivel at……..@marklanigan.


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