What brand names really mean

After spending much time in deep reflection, I think I have come up with a new taxonomy of brand names.  This should prove invaluable to all marketing practitioners.  Instead of spending time arguing about weird and wonderful names just use this handy guide.

The core of all brand names is that they fit into three handy naming categories: Harry Potter, Musical or Gibberish.  Try these:

Harry Potter

Most beauty products and medicine fall into this category.  They come from quasi-Latin roots and many of them should be teaching at Hogwarts.

Atavan – The third guardian of Anusol

Kerastase – The new teacher of Potions

Retinol – Dobbie the House Elf’s assistant

Vicodin – The successor to Dumbleor

Zune – musical ghost


Many other of the best know brand names are in fact based on musical notation.  Some obvious, some a little bit more cryptic.

Activia – light and expressive with inner goodness

Alberto Balsam- played with shine

Ciabatta – the only known musical term to express part baked

Pomodoro – fruity but can be hot if played Arabiata

Daz – without originality


Almost all other brand names, that don’t fit into the Harry Potter or Musical themes, fall neatly into the Gibberish category.

Daewoo – Casper the Freindly ghost’s son

Accenture – Foreign denture fixative

Swarovski – Russian ski champion

VW Sharan – an SUV for Essex Girls


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